A couple of characters are in intense situations: one girl poses as a boy, heading to an army garrison with a questionable guide and the Hope Breast Cancer Awareness Shirt of being attacked by the enemy at any time on her attempt to get home; and a young soldier has gone to the other side of “the wall” and is risking facing creatures and perils never written about in the span of his homeland’s culture. They should have this volume to themselves, but instead, we spend the first half waiting to hear more about them while we watch other characters sneaking into whorehouses and chatting about freshman-level theology.
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It’s especially annoying to leave someone hiding from enemy troops so you can read about some guy we haven’t thought about for hundreds of pages is getting a blowjob (Martin’s approach to sex is perhaps more adolescent than in the first book, and definitely has less appealing placement). While the Hope Breast Cancer Awareness Shirt third expands the number of useful and interesting roles, the book has far too many chapters that serve as dull blockades to the worthwhile narrative.
These low-action chapters are not artistic or particularly expressive of original opinions (The Song of Ice and Fire seems like a prime franchise to expand into semi-literary fiction), but rather fumbles over clichés of sadness, lust, and nonsense that are all strikingly less immediate than the Hope Breast Cancer Awareness Shirt we leave to read about them. We do not need another conversation about how some form of magic or divinity can’t possibly be real. Five or six of them will suffice.
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